Image Credit: BMW Motorrad.
Whichever way I turn, everyone is telling me that the future is electric, apparently. And quiet. So quiet. As someone who has spent a lot of time writing about glorious, noisy, gas-guzzling machines, this electric revolution is… clean, I'll give it that. But almost every time a new electric "vehicle" comes out, a little part of my soul quietly weeps.
But this? Oh, this is different. BMW, the purveyors of "The Ultimate Driving Machine," have created something they call the... (and I am not making this up)... CE 02 eParkourer.
Image Credit: BMW Motorrad.
It sounds like something my teenage son could have invented in his basement after watching too many YouTube videos of people jumping off benches. "Parkour" is a fancy French word for "running away from your responsibilities, but with flair," isn't it? And now, BMW has electrified it. What's next?
But before we dismiss it as yet another piece of Millennial-bait, here's the twist: the high priests of cool, the surfboard-and-spanner wizards at Deus Ex Machina, got their hands on two of those tykes. This is the group that built its entire empire on the smell of gasoline and the beauty of a custom-welded frame. And they decided to customize this little electric thing. This could be a sign of the apocalypse…
Image Credit: BMW Motorrad.
So, what in the world is this BMW CE 02? BMW claims it's not really a scooter and not quite a motorcycle. It's in its "own category," which means the marketing department was given a task with clear instructions: "We're not entirely sure what or who this is for, but it looks good on Instagram." It's small, it's playful, and it's designed for scooting around a city. Or, as it turns out, a very stylish beach town.
The eParkourer comes in two flavors. First, there's the "Spicy" version, packing 15 whole horsepower. This little rocket ship can supposedly reach a blistering 60 miles an hour. Then there's the "Mild" version. This one boasts a chest-thumping 5 horsepower. This is the model you'd give to someone who finds escalators a bit "zesty." It's perfect for first-timers, or for people who just want to arrive... eventually. It's a gentle suggestion of what an electric scooter can be.
Image Credit: BMW Motorrad.
My favorite part? The ride modes. Oh, you won't find boring old "Sport" or "Eco" here. That's for us dinosaurs. This machine has "Flow" and "Surf." Does it come with a free wetsuit and a bar of wax? "Flow" is presumably for flowing. And "Surf" is for... surfing? On tarmac? I'm confused. If you're feeling particularly reckless, you can pay extra for "Flash" mode, which I assume gives you a bit more oomph. Like adding a second tea bag.
It's not all whimsical names, though. eParkourer has features. There's a tiny 3.5-inch screen to remind you how fast you're not going. The front-wheel ABS is genuinely useful when a poodle unexpectedly decides to investigate the road. And the "reverse assist" will help with those rare moments when parallel parking is too strenuous. And, most importantly, it has a USB-C port. Because heaven forbid your phone dies while you're documenting your "eParkouring" adventure.
Image Credit: BMW Motorrad.
Back to the cool kids. Deus Lodge, the brand's UK outpost near Boscombe Beach, got one. These are the folks who live on saltwater, custom bikes, and artisanal coffee. They took one look at this electric ankle-biter and said, "Yes. We can make this ours."
And they did. They partnered with BMW Motorrad UK and gave it the full Deus treatment. They painted it in their house colors: a lovely olive green, a pop of bright orange, and a bit of black. It's no more an "urban commuter" - this is now a "chic beach cruiser." It's the kind of thing you'd expect to see parked next to a 10-foot longboard, not a row of rented scooters. It just looks right.
Image Credit: BMW Motorrad.
I guess the point here wasn't to break speed records. According to Deus Lodge co-founder Ross Morton, they just wanted a bike "for all seasons by the sea." Something light, versatile, and dripping with personality. A runaround for the staff, perfect for coffee runs or going down to the shore.
And that's the real takeaway for all of us, my fellow skeptics. Deus. The brand built on noise, nostalgia, and V-twin engines. They are embracing an electric bike. And you know what? They didn't lose their soul doing it.
Image Credit: BMW Motorrad.
Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the Deus crew isn't trading in their classic motorcycles for a fleet of these just yet. But it's a big, olive-green sign of where things are heading. It shows that "electric" can be customized, it can have character, and it can even... be cool.
Maybe this whole electric thing won't be so bad after all. Just... Please, BMW, let's work on the nicknames. "eParkourer" is not happening.
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