Tesla's Diner Is Real, and I'm Shocked I Want to Go
Image Credit: @ShellZero.
Alright, let's get one thing straight. I don't typically waste my ink, or pixels for that matter, on Tesla. It's not a vendetta, you understand. It's just that there's enough breathless coverage of the company and its… let's call him ambitious… CEO to power a small country. I figured the world could do with one less article. But ever so often, Tesla goes and does something so brilliantly, and preposterously left-field that I simply have to put my tea down and start typing. This is one of those times.
Because, you see, the mythical, long-whispered-about Tesla Diner is finally here. In Hollywood, no less. And I have to admit, through gritted teeth and a healthy layer of cynicism, it looks fantastic. This is so much more than just a place to plug in your car. It's a full-blown, retro-futuristic, sci-fi fantasy that has somehow crash-landed in the middle of Los Angeles.
Image Credit: @Serge_Seven.
This whole mad-hatter scheme began way back in 2018. The big boss man tweeted out an idea for an "old school drive-in, roller skates & rock restaurant" at a Supercharger location. We all chuckled. "Oh, there he goes again," we thought, filing it away with the flying cars and underground tunnels. It was a fun idea for sure, but in the same way that building a real-life Jurassic Park is a "fun idea." You don't actually expect it to happen.
Well, surprise, surprise. He wasn't kidding. A few months later, the company started sniffing around for permits in Santa Monica. The project then entered what we in the industry call "development hell," getting tangled in the red tape that only California can produce. For a while, it seemed the dream was dead, destined to become a forgotten tweet. But Tesla people are a persistent bunch. They built the Supercharger in Santa Monica anyway and simply moved the diner idea over to a new spot in Hollywood.
Image Credit: @TheTeslaLife.
And now, after years of planning, digging, and probably many strongly-worded emails, it stands before us. It's a two-story structure with sweeping, curved lines, as if imagined by someone in 1958. It looks like it belongs on the set of The Jetsons. And flanking this architectural marvel are two enormous movie screens, presumably to entertain you while your car sips on electrons. This is solving the problem of what to do while you charge, and it's turning it into an event.
What's on the menu? And I don't just mean the food. While the exact power output of the chargers hasn't been plastered everywhere, you can bet your bottom dollar they are the latest and greatest V3 or V4 Superchargers, capable of adding hundreds of miles of range in the time it takes to order and devour a burger. The real five-star dish, however, is a bit more metallic.
Image Credit: @TheTeslaLife.
Spotted inside, on a test rack no less, is a Tesla Optimus. Yes, a robot. Because, of course, there's a robot. In a world where your car can drive itself (sort of), it only makes sense that your milkshake might be delivered by a machine that's actively learning how to replace you. Is it a gimmick? You bet. Do I desperately want to see it in action? You have no idea.
The whole experience is tied together, naturally, through the Tesla app. The company integrated the diner into its mobile platform earlier this year, suggesting you'll be able to browse the menu, place an order, and pay without ever having to speak to a carbon-based lifeform. It's a seamless, tech-forward approach that's incredibly convenient and a little terrifying glimpse into our automated future. I'm leaning towards conveniently terrifying.
Image Credit: @Serge_Seven.
What I find most interesting, though, is the branding. Or rather, the lack of it. From the looks of things, Tesla isn't plastering its logo over every available surface. This isn't just a "Tesla Owners' Club." The goal seems to be to create a genuinely cool spot that anyone would want to visit, whether they arrive in an electric marvel or a gas-guzzling classic. It's a smart play, hoping to win hearts and minds with good design and a unique experience.
But I do have one tiny reservation, and it's about the clientele. The Tesla community can be a tad passionate at times. I have a slight fear of trying to enjoy a quiet root beer float while being cornered by someone who wants to give me a 45-minute lecture on the superior efficiency of a heat pump. But by making the diner an open invitation to all of Los Angeles, Tesla might just dilute that crowd and create a genuinely fun, eclectic vibe.
Image Credit: @Serge_Seven.
This project is so much more than just a diner. It's a brilliant solution to the biggest question people have been asking since the inception of the electric car: "What do I do while it's charging?" It's no longer a chore, it's dinner and a movie date, quite literally. I was ready to scoff, to dismiss it as yet another vanity project. But honestly? I'm sold. It's ambitious, it's stylish, and it's a little bit insane – all the ingredients for something truly special. I'm going to see if I can book a flight to LA. I have a date with a robot and a cheeseburger.
